My Beloved Kota 9/30/94-8/3/09

by Heidi
(West Haven, CT)

Kota, my loyal, beloved companion of 15 years. Kota was so special. We would talk to each other. I'd meow and she would meow back at me. We'd go back and forth.

She was so protective of my two children. She slept by each of their cribs and later by the door to their bedroom every night. During the days she slept on my bed while I worked at the computer next to her.

Kota loved to eat. She'd trip you if she thought you were going in the direction of her food bowl. Turkey was her favorite. It angers me so much that she developed tumors under and on her tongue. Why not pick an internal organ - why make it painful for her to eat. That just seemed so cruel to me.

A month prior she was a perfectly healthy cat. The vet was shocked she was 15 years old. She sneezed and I saw a drop of blood. I knew even before the vet could find anything. He kept telling me the tests were great but I knew something was not right. He finally found the tumor under her tongue in the back on the right side. The vet said that treatment was really futile at her age. His specialty was oncology so I trusted him. I do wonder if treatment would have cured her cancer but then for how long? I did not want her to suffer at all.

She still wanted to eat. The vet gave me special food for her and I would give her baby food - turkey. This went on for a month. I trimmed her long fur so that the Prescription Diet A/D or the baby food would not stain her fur. She drooled more and more. She began to lose weight.

I question if I put her down too soon but then I could not bear to wake up and see her drooling blood. It had to be painful. The first cortizone shot helped reduce the size of the tumor but then we discovered a second tumor on her tongue.

I wish I could have saved her. I knew she wanted to live. She died while she was still beautiful, with spunk - she growled at the vet as he tried to go near her. I wanted to pull her back and stop it but that would not have been the right thing to do for her. Kota deserved to go with dignity and not suffer any more.

I have the biggest hole in my heart now. How I long to hold her. I look for her at the bottom of the bed, I expect to trip over her when I walk near the food bowl and Cosmo my other soon to be 15 year old cat looks for her as well. My girls and my husband are hurting too. We were blessed with 15 years with Kota.

Kota I love you so much and I miss you. I think of you every day. I will see you in heaven. Until then stay with Gramma J. She will take good care of you and keep you company. Kota I hope I did the right thing by you. I did not want you to be in pain yet I knew how much you still wanted to live. I so wish I could have healed you. You and Cosmo are the best cats I have ever had. I love you so much.