Three weeks ago I had to have my beautiful cat put to sleep after suffering from a saddle thrombosis. The vet told me she had a murmur and at 15 and a half would not make a recovery. I totally fell apart and could not accept watching her die, even though I promised I would never let her die without me. I let my family talk me out of staying with her because I was so upset.
Though she had a wonderful life with a lot of love, I cannot get over not being there for her for the last minutes of her life. I feel so guilty. For 15 years we never left each others' side except for three days when I was in the hospital. My heart hurts and I cannot tell anyone how bad I feel.
My only positive feeling is that I believe we will one day be reunited, and I will one day hear her beautiful purr and her loving meows again. I still cannot sleep the night without reaching for her or stop crying when I see her pictures on my camera. Cookie was a precious gift from God and I will be for ever grateful that she shared my life.
Rest in peace, Cookie. I will never forget you. You took a piece of my heart with you.