Crimson Long 2002 - 2012

by michele
(east london south africa)

Crimson Long my son

Crimson Long my son

Crimson’s CANVAS

When I adopted you into my heart, my pet canvas was blank. But with every lick of your tongue and gentle tap of your paw, a portion of the canvas was cleared revealing part of a picture underneath.

Initially I thought it strange, instead of painting new memories u seemed to b unveiling a picture already there. But what was it of? I would understand later… as each wonderful year passed, our love for one another grew deeper.

You were so much MORE than my pet. Crimson you were my son, the apple of my eye and I did and will love you to bits and pieces eternally. Every time we would play, or cuddle, more of the picture would be revealed. As you grew older, I started to see a pair of hands on the canvas. I assumed it was mine cuddling you but I couldn’t make out the rest of it because it was all still fuzzy. Then you grew ill but the doctor nursed you back to health... time and again my baby, you
bounced back and my heart rejoiced.

But then bad news came in waves, a murmur on your heart; a cyst on your kidney... then I thought you had recovered when you fell ill again. My dear boy, over the next 3 months, despite the best efforts and all my love, you still backslid and I witnessed your weight loss, your demands for more water and the sorrow in your eyes. Then the salivating came and knew no end... I prayed for God to spare you, a miracle if you please... and that I would in turn be spared the choice of opting for euthanasia.

I asked God, “Why would you put me in this situation? What did I do that You deem it necessary to punish me so severely?” and I heard Your Word remind me, that You would never put me on a road I cannot handle. My love for you Crimson, knows no bounds, and dear Lord help me but I could not bear to see you suffer any longer...

My Darling baby boy, you were in so much pain, so distant, so disorientated at the end. You were so thin, I could easily feel all your precious bones, your once gorgeous fluffy fur matted and wet from salivation and not being in touch with your bowels. I know how embarrassed you always were if mommy came across you when you were using your kitty box and how furiously you would try to cover up whatever it was that now lay in that box... and how I would assure you, you had no need for shame. I can only imagine how your heart felt at your dishevelled state.

The ONLY gorgeous red haired Persian ever to LOVE going to the parlour! All parlour folk enjoyed you so much saying you were better behaved than the dogs! You happily enjoyed the getting wet, shampooing and blow drying! AND you always looked SUPERB as a result!

My baby boy, how I will miss our cuddles and kisses. How you would 'tenderly' massage your mommy's back with your claws or do the same as a 'tender' head massage and then, purring happily, drift off to sleep. I will miss your tender paw taps to rouse me from slumber...

I will miss burying my face in your soft fluffy body and holding you whilst you snuggled in tight. My heart ACHES, Crimson, my heart aches... I love you ETERNALLY, my pumpkin, beyond the dark door of death... you will GO ON in my heart and God willing we will meet again in paradise.

As I held you, my hands shaking, and you gently passed away my already broken heart ached all over again and I have sobbed rivers of tears and gut wrenching cries have echoed. I heard a voice, “look at the picture now.” I did & it was crystal clear. He then said, “A pet canvas can only be completed with tears of compassion”. The CANVAS wasn’t of my hands cuddling you; they were of God’s hands holding me...

Comments for Crimson Long 2002 - 2012

1 year gone on the 16th November 2013 NEW
by: Crimson's mommy

My darling boy's 1 year gone day is coming up soon... the closer the day gets, the more my anxiety rises... i know there is nothing i can do about it, and perhaps it is silly to feel this way but...after finding this poem and tweaking it a bit, i offer this as an endearing post for my special treasure, always missed and loved eternally ~

Angel by name Love called him, the sweet small frame… on loan to a woman for a short time
Angel sent by the Lord, she said… how true the words.
Crimson, by name.
Rose-bright, a bundle of fluff for her own dear heart he came…
His little light of life was all too rare
And soft a flame:
Heaven yearned for him till angels hailed him there again
The song that smiled upon his birthday here
Weeps on the grave that holds him cremated
His loss always an echoing ache in her heart
But angels are only on loan and then Love calls on them to return Home again so to know their Master, reconciled

Memories of crimson NEW
by: Jennifer

I had to write again I can tell how much you miss crimson an I know how you feel when you say he was not your pet but your son I feel the same way not every body wants to run out an get a new pet I get it I have been told the same thing it takes time to love again an you will know if an when that time comes again believe I know the pain of loosing a little one that you love so much is as much a physical pain as- it is emotional pain the panic is all to real when you think of your baby an want nothing more then to hold them an kiss them an hear their purr again but you know it is not possible ever again .an when you think of the cute things that they use to do that made you laugh then but only make you cry now at the memories yes the pain is all to real when you love as deeply as we loved our babies I believe crimson was an angel sent to love you an that he is watching over you now have some peace in knowing you are not alone in your grieve on that you will see crimson again I truly believe that

9 months gone... NEW
by: Crimson's mommy

Hi Jennifer and anonymous,
Thank you for your consoling thoughts and kind words... and no Jen, i don't think time fact the closer it comes to the ONE YEAR GONE date, the more my heart aches and apprehensiveness and anxiousness grows... many have said i need to get another 'Pet" to replace him and so that i can share my love... thing is, Crimson was not my "pet" but my SON, the apple of my eye, my reason for joy and happiness in my heart. There are photo's of him where he is staring up and the heavens, I always teased him and asked if he was praying to God... well, truth be told, from the day i adopted him, I told him and all who would listen that Crimson was an ANGEL sent straight from the Lord to comfort and brighten my days... so it is not hard for me to accept that perhaps indeed he was praying to God and or staring longingly at his forever home. Jen, your peanut sounds like a little gem ;-) and I am sure both Peanut and Bobby were loved as only parents like us, know how to love...

From my heart to Crimson's...
Oh my sweet little boy, i miss you with my whole heart and I long for the day when i too can join you in our forever home. With so much love, your mommy xxx until then, i carry your heart in mine.

Love for crimson NEW
by: Jennifer

Crimson was , is beautiful just the opposite of my baby peanut I lost in July he was hairless when he was born he reminded me of a peanut that is how he got his name your baby sounded wonderful and I am sure he knew how much you loved him and did all tat you could for him at least you had ten years of wonderful memories of crimson an he will never be truly gone he will always be in your heart an I believe you will see him again just as I will see my peanut a gain until then I wish you peace in your heart an thoughts of crimson as I do for my self to they say it gets easier with time I do not know if it is true it still just as hard for me now as it was the day peanut passed I wish you the best

Dreams of Bobby NEW
by: Anonymous

I lost my Bobby Mar.2012 and I have dreams about him too.
He's sitting on the back of the couch, walking across the kitchen floor, lying on the couch. I talked to him- he was a young man with sandy brown hair. I miss him so much still and I understand how much you miss your little one. I hope it gets better soon.

aching heart NEW
by: CRIMSON'S mommy

It is 2 months 1 week today since I lost my child… time has done nothing to heal my aching heart I am so damn sad right now, I miss him with every beat of my heart… whoever said time heals all wounds clearly did not love enough… I dreamt of him the other night [not the 1st dream] In it he was not GONE just visiting down the road, lying on his back enjoying the summer sun… I picked him and held him close, my heart ached… I said, ‘baby, mommy misses you so much! You must come home with me now and stop visiting here please” then of course as dreams do, it changed and became rather bizarre as once we were home I figured it would be a good idea to put a harness on him which turned out to be a horse saddle [??]… figured it would KEEP him home… other dreams has him sitting in the window sill… I hurry over so happy to see him and then there are another 2 of him and then another 3 or 4… I become all confused not knowing WHICH is the true Crimson… my heart aches…then suddenly the dream turns even more mean and he appears as a kitten and then a few more of him [all as a kitten] appear…confusing me ever so much again…
My heart aches…it aches.

2 mths on the 16th Jan 2013 NEW
by: CRIMSON'S mommy

Dear all who have posted such consoling thoughts and love... I thank the dear Lord for you... tomorrow marks 2 months since my little boy passed. I miss him passionately with my whole heart... oh my baby, mommy's heart cries for you

Sweet furry Crimson NEW
by: Elaine

I am so very sorry for your loss of Crimson. When we connect so deeply with our Kitty, they really do know how greatly we love them. I believe it is their love for us that keeps them fighting to stay as long as they can. (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

by: Anonymous

I feel so deeply your love of Crimson. Crimson was very lucky cat to be loved by you. I too feel your pain. We are standing by you. Take care dear one.

Share your pain>
by: Elize Long

If somebody knows how you love your cat, my girl, it would be me, because I went through almost the same road. My heart is aching for you and also for myself with my Nahla, who would have celebrated her 18th birthday on the 16th December 2012. Although I had 17 and a half precious years with her, my heart still aches every second of the day and night. Keep well and see you soon.

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