My Beloved Kota 9/30/94-8/3/09

by Heidi
(West Haven, CT)

Kota, my loyal, beloved companion of 15 years. Kota was so special. We would talk to each other. I'd meow and she would meow back at me. We'd go back and forth.

She was so protective of my two children. She slept by each of their cribs and later by the door to their bedroom every night. During the days she slept on my bed while I worked at the computer next to her.

Kota loved to eat. She'd trip you if she thought you were going in the direction of her food bowl. Turkey was her favorite. It angers me so much that she developed tumors under and on her tongue. Why not pick an internal organ - why make it painful for her to eat. That just seemed so cruel to me.

A month prior she was a perfectly healthy cat. The vet was shocked she was 15 years old. She sneezed and I saw a drop of blood. I knew even before the vet could find anything. He kept telling me the tests were great but I knew something was not right. He finally found the tumor under her tongue in the back on the right side. The vet said that treatment was really futile at her age. His specialty was oncology so I trusted him. I do wonder if treatment would have cured her cancer but then for how long? I did not want her to suffer at all.

She still wanted to eat. The vet gave me special food for her and I would give her baby food - turkey. This went on for a month. I trimmed her long fur so that the Prescription Diet A/D or the baby food would not stain her fur. She drooled more and more. She began to lose weight.

I question if I put her down too soon but then I could not bear to wake up and see her drooling blood. It had to be painful. The first cortizone shot helped reduce the size of the tumor but then we discovered a second tumor on her tongue.

I wish I could have saved her. I knew she wanted to live. She died while she was still beautiful, with spunk - she growled at the vet as he tried to go near her. I wanted to pull her back and stop it but that would not have been the right thing to do for her. Kota deserved to go with dignity and not suffer any more.

I have the biggest hole in my heart now. How I long to hold her. I look for her at the bottom of the bed, I expect to trip over her when I walk near the food bowl and Cosmo my other soon to be 15 year old cat looks for her as well. My girls and my husband are hurting too. We were blessed with 15 years with Kota.

Kota I love you so much and I miss you. I think of you every day. I will see you in heaven. Until then stay with Gramma J. She will take good care of you and keep you company. Kota I hope I did the right thing by you. I did not want you to be in pain yet I knew how much you still wanted to live. I so wish I could have healed you. You and Cosmo are the best cats I have ever had. I love you so much.

Comments for My Beloved Kota 9/30/94-8/3/09

It's very sad when our pet leaves us
by: Mei

It's so hard to say goodbye.

We adopted Freddie 10 yrs ago when he was 7. My daughter volunteered at the Cat n Need Adoption center. She was asked to foster Freddie because they didn't want the cats to stay in the cage 7 days of the week.

Week after week, no one wanted to adopt an older cat and Freddie also was FIV +. He was abandoned by his previous owner when they moved away from the apartment. My daughter asked if I would allow her to adopt Freddie. To be honest, I never had any animals when I was growing up. I was actually scared to touch them, but then I felt bad, so I let my daughter adopt Freddie.

The rest of the kids adored Freddie. He was a very smart boy, very gentle and liked to be with people. I loved to buy treats for Freddie and also make sure we got the cat food that is tailored to the senior cat.

We noticed Freddie stop taking treats on 4/25/10. I thought he got tired of eating what I bought so I went out and got different brands and varieties of flavors. He still didn't take it and also stop eating.

He would only drink lots of water. I thought Freddie was just sick and needed some medicine to get better, so I asked my daughter to take Freddie to the Vet.

We found out Freddie had Kidney cancer. It was so sad. I sobbed the entire afternoon at work and couldn't keep my tears from pouring out. My kids were crying all day. That was on a Friday. The vet said to have the family spend one more day with Freddie and then he needed to be put to sleep.

It was an extremely emotional day. My son set up his laptop so that my other daughter who was away from home attending college could say goodbye through Teleconferencing. My daughter could see Freddie and Freddie could see my daughter on the laptop screen.

It was just so hard - no words can describe the sorrow. He was part of the family. I found myself crying each day and night.

We all miss Freddie very much. My daughter who is away from home for school said things will never be the same. She wanted me to save the brush we brushed Freddie with. She also went out to Costco and got lots of prints of photos she had taken of Freddie. She plans to get a poster size print of Freddie. She cried a lot too.

As soon as we talk about Freddie, we cry all over again. I can totally understand the sadness when our pet leaves us... Sincerely, Mei

too soon,never knowing

by: bill f-miles was my boy

You wrote a beautiful testimony to your fine kota. We are going thru the same thing here but our decision to put our Miles down was fast and numbing. I like how you said she was still beautiful at the end, they really hold on for us,don't they, they really love us to the end.
My wife is crushed, she too looks for her Miles,even our stray female cat looks for Miles each day. I'm keep saying this to my wife and daughter(s) that ask about our "missing miles":

We don't get to pick how long we love our cats, pretty much, we get to pick how much..I can tell you loved Kota to the max,to the end.
Thanks for being a "cat person" like us...only we seem to get it all.
be well,Bill

Thank you
by: Heidi

Thank you for your kind words. I'm struggling through this but knowing that others understand this pain makes it more bearable. Not everyone understands that pets are just as much a part of the family and are grieved in very much the same way.

Our thoughts are with you
by: Sarah

Sometimes we are just not ready to face the loss of those that are dear to us; but we cannot keep them with us always, except in blessed memories.
Let Kota go with your blessing. Celebrate her life, and the good times and love you shared; remember her as she was, loving, happy and beautiful.
Do not torture yourself with the possibilities of other scenarios, and guilt.
Trust that you did the right thing, saving your dear Kota unnecessary pain and distress.

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